Nouvellas = Van Halen

Most reviews of records today are a product of lazy, inaccurate, and unoriginal writing.  I'm not saying that it's easy to describe music via the written word.  On the contrary, it's a difficult task because it negates the very essence of music which transcends language itself.  I recently read a review of The Black Hollies' Casting Shadows LP describing the band as "gutter psychsters."  At first I chuckled to myself but then felt an immediate sadness when I asked myself, "What does that mean?"  The answer, of course, is plain.  "Gutter psych" means absolutely nothing and gets the reader of the review no closer to imagining what the group actually sounds like.  It's akin to describing the new Gnarls Barkley record as "funnel-cake trip-hop."  I'd eat it.  I probably wouldn't listen to it.  In short, it irritates me that just about anything is passed off as "good press" in our current blog-worshipping milieu.

With this in mind, I'd like to offer a review of the Nouvellas new Satisfied 45.  I'll spare the description of what it sounds like aside from saying that when I hear Satisfied I feel great, amazing actually.  You won't believe that this song will be the best single released this year, but it will be.  Remember Hey Ya?  

Now that I've reviewed the record according to today's standards let me point something out that most may not have noticed.  There is absolutely no distinction between Nouvellas and Van Halen.  I will prove that Nouvellas and Van Halen are one and the same band, or that Nouvellas at least modeled their working frame work after that of Van Halen.

First and foremost, both Nouvellas and Van Halen are held up by the back-bone of a dynamic sibling combination on drums and guitar.  Van Halen boasts the brothers Alex and Eddie on drums and guitar respectively while two-fifths of Nouvellas are the brothers Pierce, Andy and The Reverend Dennis, on drums and guitar respectively.  When recently asked why he prefers faster tempos A. Pierce stated, "Do you think Alex Van Halen got on the cover of Modern Drummer by slowing down?"  

Van Halen's original bass player has two first names, Michael Anthony.  Nouvellas original bass player also has two first names, Justin Angelo.  With Justin Angelo's recent departure from the group the band will employ The Reverend Dennis Pierce's son, Debussy Brahms Pierce, as its new bass player to mirror Van Halen's current line-up which features Eddie's son, Wolfgang Van Halen, on bass.  

Lastly, both Van Halen and Nouvellas were/are fronted by two wild singers with golden sets of pipes who love to party.  Jamie Kozyra has recently been endorsed by Stolichnaya and has launched her own line of customized vodka to compete with Sammy Hagar's brand of  Kabo Wabo Mas Tequila.  Leah Fischman finds her counterpart in David Lee Roth.  Fischman cites Roth's solo work on Yankee Rose as a major influence on her singing, performance, and clothing styles.  As can be perceived from the aforementioned evidence it's plain as day that Nouvellas and Van Halen are the exact same band.