Thursday, May 1, 2008

George Clooney v.s. Chris Burke

The night begins with a band meal certainly worth mentioning. The Black Hollies venture to Frank Pepe's in New Haven; great pizza, que fack sucker staff. Kirsten Dunst walks in. The first words that leave my mouth are S-S-Suddio. I reach out and invite her and her friends to the performance. Dunst politely accepts the invitation. I set up what I believe will be an exclusive interview for Palestinian Bluetooth taking place later in the evening at Cafe 9. Our old school italian waiter, aka Allen Town era Billy Joel with Lenny Dykstra's helmet for a haricut takes notice and proceeds to treat us less than civil... He gets all Frank Stallone on us but with a dry venomous undertone promoting an odd vibe. The band does not appreciate this. Perhaps we should have paralytically gawked at Dunst as if the Twin Towers were crumbling before our eyes precisely mimicking the wait staff. Had it been Montel Williams we would have extended the invitation as well. We're friendly human beings. Had it been George Clooney or Chris Burke we'd reach out. Who would Dykstra trust in the emergency room, Clooney. We'd take Burke based on his Dryfire Walkoff performance alone. We'd love to one night anticipate Blair and Joe from The Facts of Life arriving at our show after being put on the guest list. Dykstra and his waitstaff/cohorts, especially Kieth Hernandez, successfully smash our fun. Especially when Dykstra refers to our band as The Black Olives probably on account of my mumbling not fully recovered from the S-S-Suddio encounter. Lenny Douche then attempts to convince us that Montreal is a twelve hour drive from New Haven. The band exits Frank Pepe's with a bitter taste and predicts a Dunst no-show.

The show itself is a success. The entire staff at Cafe 9 in New Haven are solid folk. Paul, Dan, Uber, and Warren are amazing 5 out 5 Zagat-esque treatment. The band plays to an enthusiastic crowd of 35, gets paid, and commences merriment.

Morey converses with the woman who performed the Poconos Mount Airy Lodge jingle back in the day. Ferrante relaxes coming off a hectic red eye flight from Vienna to JFK then on the puddle jumper out of Teterboro into Hartford. Wiley finishes out the night illuminating subjects such as Merkabas, the theft of Geronimo's bones, the Skull and Bones Society, MK Ultra, and worm holes through Time. Kirsten Dunst's absence from the show is felt as it marks the last chance for a Palestinian Bluetooth exclusive. We're holding Lenny Dykstra accountable and teaming up with Tony from Lombardi's in NYC to buy out Frank Pepe's and fill it not with pizza but with head shots of fogotten stars from the 1980's, specifically Dave Coulier, the parapalegic actress from Different Strokes, Bronson Pinchot, Nell Carter, Blossom and Joey Lawrence's father, Valerie Burtinelli, Craig T. Nelson, Paul Resier, the kid that played Winny Cooper, and Judge Rienhold.


ejrc said...

we want you on tour forever just so we can read these reports every day. be safe, stay literate.

Kim Paris said...

Will Justin do my hair next time I'm around?

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